Paul Savage

Comedian, host, cartoonist, astronaut, occasional liar

I explain the whole prank call to Kate middleton’s nurse suicide thing

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In case you’re unaware of this story I shall elucidate you

Basically, a woman you’ve never met is one of millions worldwide who is currently pregnant. But she is important, because she has “the correct vagina”. The correct vagina means that it is the one that the eldest son of the eldest son of the eldest daughter of the guy who Colin Firth played in that movie one time, has ejaculated into. It’s important ejaculate, because centuries ago, someone in that family was good at winning battles and got lots of land.

Despite having the correct vagina and the important ejaculate, mixing the two created morning sickness. Because of this, the owner of the correct vagina had to stay in a hospital. There, some Australians rang a tired, stressed nurse, and pretended to be a wealthy female landowner, who because she came from a previous “correct vagina” is deemed important, and also she was the grandmother of the “important ejaculator”. This was supposed to be “funny”. The tired, stressed nurse, answered a family member checking up on their family, as you would, forgetting that one was the owner of a correct vagina, and therefore was important and that this was somehow wrong.

Then, the British tabloid press jumped on this, spreading out this story, which was vitally important to all of us because the woman was a wealthy landowner and can’t be mocked by australians, and also it was rude to the correct vagina, who we have never met.

Then, probably, the tired, stressed nurse was told off by her tired, stressed bosses, because they had the correct vagina in their hospital and they wanted the correct vagina to feel they were doing a good job.

Then the tired, stressed nurse found it too much, and killed herself.

But hey, enjoy that #royalbaby that you will never meet, because one day it’ll be on a stamp, and it’ll be important because it will be the great grandchild of the wealthy landowner and have come out of the correct vagina.


(thanks to James Cook, whose terminology “correct vagina” I have stolen here)

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